I'm no Shakespeare.
And, I'm a poor excuse for a Seuss.
But, if you'll extend a little poetic license,
I give you...
'Twas the Night Before Christmas - Good Eats Style
Not a soup spoon was stirring, no good eats in the house.
I had starved out my friends, and the squirrel... and the mouse.
The timer was set, the tape handled with care,
In hopes that dear Alton, soon would be there.
I was all nestled and snug in my bed,
While home-cooked aromas danced in my head.
The kitty was curled up, taking a nap,
While I dreamed of real cocoa with a whipped-cream topped cap.
Pans flew to the cook top with such a clatter,
The cat sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
I leaped to the kitchen, to check out the scene,
The pots were all shiny, like never been seen.
The cups and the saucers,they wanted to play,
The fridge door exclaimed,"This is a new day!"
Tossed open the portal, there appeared such a sight,
Fresh eggs, milk and butter this WAS a delight!
The greens, they were...green, and the pantry was filled,
I sighed for a moment, "AB would be thrilled."
My hands, they were moving, a Shun knife was drivin'
Sage chiffonaded, and, no, I'm not lyin'.
I made things that night no one would believe,
From a great Coq Au Vin, to cornbread and beans.
The hours, they flew by, I kept cooking more,
The pastries, the veggies, no fast-food stuff gore.
Ah, smell the aroma of ginger, 5-spice,
I knew in a heartbeat to grab for the rice.
What was I doing? Asian ain't Christmas Season,
Oh, heck, it's good eats, and it "Don't need a reason."
Ideas, they appeared out of nowhere - from space,
I cooked with a flourish, with style - even grace.
My technique was proficient, my measuring sound,
Why, I knew "Pints a pound the darn whole world around!"
I started to waver and go Semi-Ho,
Then I regained my senses for that's 'nother show.
The plates overfilling, tables sagged to floor,
Yet, I grabbed me more chick'n for I heard, "Fry some more!"
Now the grub, it was piled high "I'm certainly blessed.
See, a Yankee CAN cook up a holiday mess!"
But what would I do with this boatload of food?
I haven't a husband, no family, no brood.
"Aha!" I exclaimed as I sprang for the door,
Wait...some clothes would be nice, "Oh bother," the chore.
I tossed on a sweatshirt, saw the tree, then I winked,
Beneath were new slippers in "pigletty" pink.
Inviting the neighbors... they looked at me funny,
They'd tasted my past eats - I felt like Ben Bunny.
But, "This night is different!" I smiled and exclaimed,
"The food is amazing, the flavors insane."
"You've just got to try it, you'll never believe,
With a lil inspiration, what can be achieved."
They ate, heck...enjoyed...my late-night Christmas feast,
Guzzled fresh eggnog and gobbled roast beast
They supped the soufflé, enjoyed rare rack of lamb
They said they would eat it, "Take that, Sam I am."
I pointed them home when their bellies were full
Handing each one more cup of warm holiday swill
I turned to the kitchen "What a sight! Peachy Keen!"
All the dishes were sparkling, gleaming and clean.
I took a just a moment to think on the matter
If this were only one night I'd be sadder than sadder.
Then remembered the science, the tips I'd been learning
My spirit was lifted a passion was burning
I could tackle this cookin' thing, it's not such a hurdle
Just temper the mixture thus no eggs will curdle
It's payin' attention to what you are making
Not "Ack!" French technique, not "I'll have stirred, not shaken."
Thinkin' it through, the steps that you're takin',
It's sharing the good stuff, 'bout memory making
Gatherin' family, friends, old and new,
Cooking and laughing, that's holiday stew.
Then I took one more moment to thank that great man
Bringing Good Eats to people, with vision, a plan.
"Thank you, AB, your goal was not thwarted,
Your schoolin' and strivin', your patience rewarded."
"Thank you for takin' mystery out of the meat.
Your students are braising their bounties replete."
It was sure hard to stop all that cooking that day,
But, I heard a kind voice say,
"Now, just...walk away".